Healing When There Was Never Space to Feel: The Power of a Slow Approach to Therapy

I often get asked by clients, "But what is the point of this? Why do I have to 'sit in with my feelings'? What difference is that going to make? Why can't I just get over it?" I understand these questions rarely come from a place of resistance but rather from a place of fear. For many, slowing down can evoke anxiety about what they might uncover. Other times, it’s the fear of feeling itself. Historically, having feelings might have meant being left alone to deal with them or facing rejection, shame, blame, or punishment. Our systems remember this because they needed to, to remain "safe" or "loved."

Why Do We Slow Down Anyway?

This slower, more spacious approach to therapy helps us retrain our system to relate to our emotions differently and connect to the current reality. You are no longer the child who needed to cope in this way.

1) Preventing Emotional Overwhelm

The practice of being with emotions prevents them from bursting out in other ways, potentially causing overwhelm. When we allow an emotion to be felt—rather than suppressing or ignoring it—it has less power to sneak up on us later. Emotions that go unfelt don't just disappear; they often return with more intensity.

From a nervous system perspective, slowing down (with the help of a professional on standby to help us track what is happening) helps us shift out of survival mode. We can then enter a state where our body can safely process and integrate what it feels. Time and time again, clients realize that when they allow the wave of emotion to be felt, it tends to move through the body faster than expected. That experience alone can feel reparative for a nervous system long conditioned to avoid feeling.

2) Building Emotional Resilience

Feeling and returning builds emotional resilience. Being with emotion is not about drowning in it—it’s about learning to go in and then come out. Like building a muscle, we strengthen our ability to move through emotional waves and return to solid ground. This process mirrors practices like meditation, where we notice, drift, and gently return.

In trauma-informed work such as EMDR, Inner Child Therapy, and Coherence Therapy, this rhythm—approaching, feeling, and returning—is essential. It teaches the body that emotions are temporary and that we can visit them without getting lost in them. Over time, this creates a deep sense of self-trust: "I can feel this and still be okay."

3) The Wisdom of Our Body and Emotions

Our body and emotions hold deep wisdom. When we slow down, healing becomes intuitive. We begin to understand what movements or urges need to be completed to release trauma. We recognize the images that haunt us and the emotions that become so extreme and painful that our system screams to let go and make space for the new. Often, this process helps us uncover emotional beliefs—like "If I show how I really feel, I won't be loved" or “It’s not safe to need anyone”—that are asking to be re-experienced and updated with our current reality.

When we create space for this kind of listening, healing begins to unfold naturally. A slow and spacious approach to therapy isn’t about prolonging suffering. It’s about creating the safety, trust, and presence that your system has been longing for, so that meaningful transformation is possible.

The Importance of Listening to Yourself

So next time you notice the urge to “just get over it,” consider what might shift if you gave yourself a little more space instead. Healing doesn’t happen by pushing harder; it happens when we finally stop running and learn to listen.

In this journey, I invite you to explore the depths of your emotions. Embrace the process of feeling. It’s not just about the destination; it’s about the journey of self-discovery and healing. By allowing yourself to feel, you open the door to understanding, acceptance, and ultimately, transformation.

Conclusion: Embracing Your Healing Journey

As you navigate your emotional landscape, remember that you are not alone. Many have walked this path before you, and many will walk it after. Each step you take brings you and your ancestral lineage closer to healing.

Healing is a gentle process, one that unfolds in its own time. Trust in your ability to feel and to heal. You are worthy of it, and I am here to support you every step of the way.